Nothing in Comparison

I've lived my life watching artificial beauty in the media. I've also lived my life comparing myself to these beauties. I feel I must be perfect. Every day is a struggle to look myself in the mirror and not feel disgusted. Every moment is a momoent spent tryint not to feel like I'm good enough to look others in the eye without them being disgusted with me. I live with the horrible thought that my husband will one day wake up and realize what he really married.

I know all of this wrong, but it was my life.

I've often wondered how I can overcome this if it's such a part of me. How can something that is in my mind every second of every day be overcome? Small steps were taken. I told myself things like I couldn't look like I wanted so I had to deal with what I have or that there are the select few out there who find my certain body type attractive and that's all that matters. I've spent so many years trying to be like the women I've saw on TV or in magazines that I was making up excuses for the way I thought.

A little while ago, after years of wondering why and feeling sorry for myself, a starteling realization hit me. I'd been treating the artificial beauties I knew like idols. It was my goal to be like them and I thought of little else. Then one day the questions didn't matter any more. The feeling of not being good enough didn't matter as much. I finally realized that there was only one person I should be trying to be like and that is Christ. In my minds eye, I could imagine Him saddened by my choice to be like such superficial beings, wasting time on trivial things. He has shown the one and only way to live, to get back home to Heavenly Father and I'm twiddeling away my time trying to be like something that wasn't even real.

It is important for us to remember who we are and where we came from. I hope that no one loses themselves like I did because of artificial good looks and sex appeal. I know that there is but one way to be, and that is to be like Christ and strive to follow His perfect example day by day. I wasted so much time worrying over something that wasn't important. I can't help but wonder what I would be like today if all that time was spent trying to be like my Savior.

Close my Eyes and Bow my Head

It may be very immature of me to just barely realize this, but I think I know why it's very important to close your eyes when your praying. There are the obvious reasons like reverence and focusing the words, but I think there could be another reason entirely. When a person prays, they are having a direct conversation with Heavenly Father. Someone can talk to God as if it were face to face, even though it's not. If you try hard enough, you can feel His presence there while you're praying. In that moment, you are talking to Supreme Being. We as mortals cannot look upon God with our mortal eyes. So when I utter prayer to my Heavenly Father, I close my eyes and feel Him all around me and I know to keep them closed if I want to feel His presence. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else. It makes so much more sense in my mind, but hopefully you know what I mean.