1 Nephi 11

Of all the times I've read this chapter, I've never really read it. There were things in it that I've never noticed before. Things like in verse eleven when Nephi beheld that an angel was in the form of man, yet he knew that the Spirit was a Spirit of the Lord.

When I have the Spirit of the Lord, everything is right and whole and complete. I am warm and I have no doubt I know that's not the same as seeing an angel, but it made me realize that when I am able to recognize the Spirit of the Lord in me, I am everything I ever wanted to be.

Another thing I never noticed before was in verse twenty through twenty-two. First, Nephi sees Mary holding the baby Jesus. Then, from seeing that, he knows that the love of God is the most desirable "above all things" and represents the tree of life. Was it a mother's love that clued Nephi onto this?

Then, in verse twenty-four and twenty-five, all I read was that the Son of God was going forth among the children of men. I realized, for some reason, that this mean that the Savior was going forth and teaching. After he saw this, Nephi knew that the iron rod meant the Word of God.

The last thing that I've never stopped to considered was in verse thirty-two and thirty-three. Nephi testifies to seeing the Savior judged of the world. He also testifies to seeing the Savior "lifted up upon the cross and slain."

Heavenly Father must have selected truly faithful and dedicated servants to be a witness to this infinitely important event, because as I was reading Nephi's simple testimony, I realized how truly powerful the statement is. Watching the scene of the Savior being crucified must be the most horrible event to ever have to witness. Here is a man that is perfect and represents everything pure and good. A man who came here to save me. Someone who thinks I am special and who has always lifted me when I needed it. A man who has always been there for me, no matter what. A man who forgives me, who loves me, who I owe my very existence to. To watch the Crucifixion of this perfect man would be unbearable. That is why the Lord picks His servants wisely. I think we have no idea what Heavenly Father's servants endure. How can they endure except that they are called of God and He sustains them?

In my mind, I saw Nephi weeping, I saw him wanting to do something to help, but constrained not to at the same time. I saw his face full of sadness and despair at witnessing such a thing of great impact. I know what transpired three days later and that the Savior rose to live on, but I would still feel empty and sad and weep at the death of my older brother Jesus Christ if I were there to see.

Nephi doesn't go into detail, but I'm sure he endured a great deal while seeing all these things.

Fond Memory of President Hinkley

I remember a few years ago when I was watching General Conference, President Hinckley was speaking on the importance and power of having and bearing a testimony. In my mind, I was considering my own testimony and thinking of all the people I haven't yet shared it with. President Hinckley had challenged everyone to share their testimony with someone they loved or felt they should. I thought to myself that my testimony didn't matter and that it couldn't make a difference, especially to the people I wanted to share it with. No sooner had I thought this then President Hinckely raised his finger and seemed to look at me right out of the television. He said, "You testimony matters!" As he said this, he waved his finger as if scolding a small child. I'm sure he said more, but I can't remember any of it. I was stunned and it took a minute to get my mind working once more.

President Hinckley had just spoken to me, had talked directly to me from miles away! Ever since that day, I've never doubted the importance of my testimony, or the power of personal revelation during conference.

1 Nephi Chapter 7

Nephi says something that really made me think. When he was bound by his brothers, he prayed for strength. He asked the Lord to give him strength to be able to break the ropes binding him. I was thinking about that because I've been praying for an answer to my losing weight dilemma. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like a blob and am ebarassed by that. When I read this, I realized that I've been asking for the wrong thing. I wanted Heavenly Father to take the trial away so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain, but what I really need to do is pray for strength to endure this trial well.

I know I've learned this in the past, but I obviously forgot. No wonder the Lord sends us reminders. No matter how many times we learn something, we'll always forget it if we don't practice it.