Fixer Upper

I realized that I have a belief that even Heavenly Father can't fix me. I never knew that belief was there until a few minutes ago. I know differently, it's just a fear that I have, that I'm so damaged that no one will be able to mend me. Now that I've realized it, I know that Heavenly Father can fix anything. I've known this all along, I just didn't realize that annoying doubt was there. He's created me with His ultimate power and there is not limit to what He can do. I needed to clear that in my mind and be able to remember later. He loves me and will help me to be happy.

2 Nephi Chapter 6

Verse three: "For I am desirous for the welfare of your souls."

Jacob tells his people that he is worried for their souls. This made me think because, too often, I judge people. I think in my mind that someone is one way and that they should be doing this that and the other to better their lives. I think of all the logical reason they should be behaving better and I don't worry about the welfare of their souls. I should be worried about their souls above all else. If I try to rescue a person's soul out of love, it will make me remember that they are my Spirit sibling and they deserve to be saved just as much as I do, if not more.

Verse seven: " . . . for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me."

Verse thirteen: ". . . For the people of the Lord are they who wait for him . . ."

As I read these words, I thought to myself, "I wait." And I do. I wait for the Lord to come in His glory. He may come during my time and He may not, but I still know that He is coming and I wait. That gave me comfort to know that I will be counted as a person of the Lord, at least in that aspect. I have never doubted that He will come and I don't think I've ever realized that before I read this scripture the way I did. I know He will come and I've always known it, ever since I can remember. It's a real testimony strengthener to realize something like that.

Verse seventeen: "Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken away, and the prey of the terrible shall be delivered . . ."

This made me think of fairy tales and how wonderful they are in making a person to feel safe when they are thinking of the hero saving the day. I've often wondered if such heroes are supposed to represent Christ. The parallel seems to supports such an idea.

Verse eighteen: " . . . and all flesh shall know that I the Lord am they Savior and they Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob."

I felt smug when I thought of all the people who don't believe now finding out after the Savior returns. Sometimes I see in my mind's eye people suffering because they didn't believe in Christ and they did terrible things, like the people who killed Joseph Smith. I can see them writhing around at the realization that there is a God. Then I thought that I will be just like them. I may think that I know who the Lord is, but when it comes down to it, the day that He comes, I will be just like the others. I will know that the Lord is mightier and greater than I could ever imagine. Doesn't that make me just as lowly as anyone else? So much for smug, huh?

2 Nephi Chapter 7

Verse one: "Yea, for thus saith the Lord: Have I put thee away, or have I cast thee off forever? . . . Behold, for your iniquities have ye sold yourselves, and for your transgressions is your mothers put away."

Verse three: "I clothe the heavens with blackness, and I make sackcloth their coverings."

These verses remind me that the Lord doesn't cast people off, they work themselves up to that point of losing the Spirit. By the time it is time for them to be cast off, they have alienated themselves already. Heavenly Father provides the heavens with a covering of clothes, He will also provide for His children.

2 Nephi Chapter 8

Part of verse seven: " . . . fear ye not the reproach of men, neither be ye afraid of their revilings."
Verse twelve: "I am he; yea, I am he that comforteth you. Behold, who art thou, that thou shouldest be afraid of man, who shall die, and of the son of man, who shall be made like unto grass?"

"Who art thou, that thou shouldest be afraid of man . . ."

These words reminded me of my fear of my family. My fear of not being accepted if I truly show what I believe. My fear of them really knowing the real me and rejecting it. Who am I to be afraid? "Fear not I am with thee, O be not a afraid. For I am thy God and shall still give thee aid." All of the strength of the universe is in the God that I believe in and I still couldn't find my courage.

Verse sixteen: "And I have put my words in thy mouth, and have covered thee in the shadow of mine hand, that I may plan the heavens and lay the foundations of the earth, and say unto Zion: Behold, thou art my people."

For every person who ever feels afraid of man, they need only read this verse with an open mind and they will realize that God supports those who serve Him. The key is that you must serve Him with all of your heart. If you don't give your all to God, he may not assist you. Show Him that you are ready to be filled with His courage and He will give you that strength.

1 Nephi 22

I wonder if Nephi read out loud to his family? (Verse one)

1 Nephi 18

Fear God exceedingly. FEAR GOD. I couldn't help but realize that I don't fear God nearly as much as I fear my family as I read this chapter. Nephi stood up to his family, to his older brother. He wasn't afraid to tell them that what they were doing was wrong. He was tied up and left helpless. I know that I am scared of not pleasing my family and we have missed church sometimes because I was too scared to tell my mom no. Obviously I had things mixed up. I know I need to do better and I will.
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Something else that I noticed in this chapter is that Nephi rode the tempest. His brothers were living in sin and disobeying God, but he had to ride the tempest with them. They were his family and he rode the storm with them. That really meant a lot to me because I find myself complaining about my situation a lot. I don't really complain out loud, but still. Nephi waited out a literal and spiritual storm even though he had done nothing wrong. I know I do wrong every now and then so if Nephi was forced to ride the waves, then so will I.

1 Nephi 16

Lehi finds the Liahona. I know it's often pointed out, but I can't help but realize how much the scriptures are the modern day Liahonas. There was a good chunk of time where I would read the scriptures and not get anything out of them. I would try and try, but I couldn't feel the words like I once did. Then one day my heart opened and I could feel them again. I could feel the Spirit in me as I read and I knew that I wasn't able to understand before because my heart was closed. As long as I listen to God and remember to keep Him in my life, the pointers are pointing me on and teaching me what I need to l earn from the scriptures.

1 Nephi 14

Verse 10 says there save two churches only: the church of God and the church of the devil. I think that speaks for itself well enough, but I'm really glad that I'm a member of the Church of God.
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There's a lot of talk about evil and how enticing it is. I was thinking of how evil really worked its way into my life, even at a young age. It makes me realize that I need to protect my children no matter what, even if I think they are too young to know what is going on. I hear people say that kids don't know what's happening or what grown ups are talking about. I know from experience that children can be just as perceptive as adults and every bad thing they see they keep in their mind. I hope I can be a better mom than that.

1 Nephi 13

Verse thirty says that "an exceedinly great many (people) do stumble, yea, insomuch that Satan hath great power over them." It seems like a really harsh verse, but people do stumble. I sometimes think that my life is one great big motion of tripping. But the thing is, we have to realize that all things will work out for the good. The Lord is aware of our every day struggles and He wants to help us return to him.

Later in the chapter, in verse thirty-two, there is a promise for people who do stumble. "Neither will the Lord God suffer that the Gentiles shall forever remain in that awful state of blindness . . ." This offers great comfort because the Lord will never allow anyone to remain blind as along as they are reaching for him.

Another verse that really made me stop and think was verse thrity-seven. It talks about how the people who are bringing forth Zion are blessed. I don't think I am doing anything to bring forth Zion and I wondered how I could do more. I think the most I can do is teach my children how to live in righteousness. In order to do that, I have to be righteous myself.

In the same verse, there is a beautiful saying. " . . . and whoso shall publish peace, yea, tidings of great joy, how beautiful upon the mountains shall they be." I think of Pastor and how too often we fight. The home should be a place where we can publish peace and I know that I need to work on being a better wife and mother.

1 Nephi 18

This is the chapter where the boat is finished and Nephi's family go out to sea. While on their voyage, Nephi's brother make themselves merry. In verse ten, Nephi said that he did "feat exceedingly lest the Lord should be angry with us." This reminded me of my situation with my family. Sometimes they will say things that I would rather they did not say. When Paul or Gary are drunk, I simply sit by and let it happen. Nephi fears God more than the wrath of his family.

Sometimes I wonder why I have to go through all of this, but Nephi was more righteous than I and when I was reading about his trials I realized that he too had to ride the tempest even though he is good. The difference is that he feared God more than man. I know I need to improve in that area because I let my family do things I wish I didn't ever have to witness at all.

1 Nephi 17

The only thing I'm going to say on this chapter is that Nephi is truly a man of great courage and faith. He is not afraid to tell his brother's how things are and that makes me ashamed. I want to be more like Nephi when someone confronts me about my beliefs. He was not afraid, not even of his elder brothers.

1 Nephi 11

Of all the times I've read this chapter, I've never really read it. There were things in it that I've never noticed before. Things like in verse eleven when Nephi beheld that an angel was in the form of man, yet he knew that the Spirit was a Spirit of the Lord.

When I have the Spirit of the Lord, everything is right and whole and complete. I am warm and I have no doubt I know that's not the same as seeing an angel, but it made me realize that when I am able to recognize the Spirit of the Lord in me, I am everything I ever wanted to be.

Another thing I never noticed before was in verse twenty through twenty-two. First, Nephi sees Mary holding the baby Jesus. Then, from seeing that, he knows that the love of God is the most desirable "above all things" and represents the tree of life. Was it a mother's love that clued Nephi onto this?

Then, in verse twenty-four and twenty-five, all I read was that the Son of God was going forth among the children of men. I realized, for some reason, that this mean that the Savior was going forth and teaching. After he saw this, Nephi knew that the iron rod meant the Word of God.

The last thing that I've never stopped to considered was in verse thirty-two and thirty-three. Nephi testifies to seeing the Savior judged of the world. He also testifies to seeing the Savior "lifted up upon the cross and slain."

Heavenly Father must have selected truly faithful and dedicated servants to be a witness to this infinitely important event, because as I was reading Nephi's simple testimony, I realized how truly powerful the statement is. Watching the scene of the Savior being crucified must be the most horrible event to ever have to witness. Here is a man that is perfect and represents everything pure and good. A man who came here to save me. Someone who thinks I am special and who has always lifted me when I needed it. A man who has always been there for me, no matter what. A man who forgives me, who loves me, who I owe my very existence to. To watch the Crucifixion of this perfect man would be unbearable. That is why the Lord picks His servants wisely. I think we have no idea what Heavenly Father's servants endure. How can they endure except that they are called of God and He sustains them?

In my mind, I saw Nephi weeping, I saw him wanting to do something to help, but constrained not to at the same time. I saw his face full of sadness and despair at witnessing such a thing of great impact. I know what transpired three days later and that the Savior rose to live on, but I would still feel empty and sad and weep at the death of my older brother Jesus Christ if I were there to see.

Nephi doesn't go into detail, but I'm sure he endured a great deal while seeing all these things.

Fond Memory of President Hinkley

I remember a few years ago when I was watching General Conference, President Hinckley was speaking on the importance and power of having and bearing a testimony. In my mind, I was considering my own testimony and thinking of all the people I haven't yet shared it with. President Hinckley had challenged everyone to share their testimony with someone they loved or felt they should. I thought to myself that my testimony didn't matter and that it couldn't make a difference, especially to the people I wanted to share it with. No sooner had I thought this then President Hinckely raised his finger and seemed to look at me right out of the television. He said, "You testimony matters!" As he said this, he waved his finger as if scolding a small child. I'm sure he said more, but I can't remember any of it. I was stunned and it took a minute to get my mind working once more.

President Hinckley had just spoken to me, had talked directly to me from miles away! Ever since that day, I've never doubted the importance of my testimony, or the power of personal revelation during conference.

1 Nephi Chapter 7

Nephi says something that really made me think. When he was bound by his brothers, he prayed for strength. He asked the Lord to give him strength to be able to break the ropes binding him. I was thinking about that because I've been praying for an answer to my losing weight dilemma. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like a blob and am ebarassed by that. When I read this, I realized that I've been asking for the wrong thing. I wanted Heavenly Father to take the trial away so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain, but what I really need to do is pray for strength to endure this trial well.

I know I've learned this in the past, but I obviously forgot. No wonder the Lord sends us reminders. No matter how many times we learn something, we'll always forget it if we don't practice it.