1 Nephi 11

Of all the times I've read this chapter, I've never really read it. There were things in it that I've never noticed before. Things like in verse eleven when Nephi beheld that an angel was in the form of man, yet he knew that the Spirit was a Spirit of the Lord.

When I have the Spirit of the Lord, everything is right and whole and complete. I am warm and I have no doubt I know that's not the same as seeing an angel, but it made me realize that when I am able to recognize the Spirit of the Lord in me, I am everything I ever wanted to be.

Another thing I never noticed before was in verse twenty through twenty-two. First, Nephi sees Mary holding the baby Jesus. Then, from seeing that, he knows that the love of God is the most desirable "above all things" and represents the tree of life. Was it a mother's love that clued Nephi onto this?

Then, in verse twenty-four and twenty-five, all I read was that the Son of God was going forth among the children of men. I realized, for some reason, that this mean that the Savior was going forth and teaching. After he saw this, Nephi knew that the iron rod meant the Word of God.

The last thing that I've never stopped to considered was in verse thirty-two and thirty-three. Nephi testifies to seeing the Savior judged of the world. He also testifies to seeing the Savior "lifted up upon the cross and slain."

Heavenly Father must have selected truly faithful and dedicated servants to be a witness to this infinitely important event, because as I was reading Nephi's simple testimony, I realized how truly powerful the statement is. Watching the scene of the Savior being crucified must be the most horrible event to ever have to witness. Here is a man that is perfect and represents everything pure and good. A man who came here to save me. Someone who thinks I am special and who has always lifted me when I needed it. A man who has always been there for me, no matter what. A man who forgives me, who loves me, who I owe my very existence to. To watch the Crucifixion of this perfect man would be unbearable. That is why the Lord picks His servants wisely. I think we have no idea what Heavenly Father's servants endure. How can they endure except that they are called of God and He sustains them?

In my mind, I saw Nephi weeping, I saw him wanting to do something to help, but constrained not to at the same time. I saw his face full of sadness and despair at witnessing such a thing of great impact. I know what transpired three days later and that the Savior rose to live on, but I would still feel empty and sad and weep at the death of my older brother Jesus Christ if I were there to see.

Nephi doesn't go into detail, but I'm sure he endured a great deal while seeing all these things.